Monday, August 15, 2011

It's been awhile

so it's been awhile since i've written anythin. life has been very challenging. a couple weeks after the last post i got a phone call that my dad had serious cancer. so april-june was about trying to get both of us to canada to see him as his case was terminal. long story short, they denied my husband's visitor visa application. it was totally heart breaking for all of us. i flew out the day before we knew the results. we got word that his passport was ready for pick up from the embassy. we assumed he got the visa. when i landed in canada, i checked my email and he said he didn't get it. his 'purpose' of visit was not clear. um hello? wanting to see dying father in law is a very clear purpose of visit!

10 days after i arrived, my dad passed away. he fell on father's day and hit his head. he had a bad hemorrhage (we didn't know that until 2 days after cuz the dr's didn't really do anything to check why he was suddenly unable to be fully concious and communicate. we had to convince them to do a brain scan). it was the most heart wrenching 3 days of my life. i still cry when i think about it. i harbored alot of anger towards this country in particular from preventing my dad's dying wish to meet his son in law in person. a prisoner on death row gets a final request, how come not my dad?

it's been a tough summer but august has been a bit better. downsized my mom to a 1 bdrm flat. it's bright and cheery. i go back in a couple weeks. starting to feel guilt and like i'm abandoning my mom. she's gonna be all alone. sigh. right now, my sweet husband is all alone. sigh. i'm looking fwd to getting back home to my boo bear. we'll still be poor as our financial situtaion hasn't changed. but i've come to realize that life is the same here or there. rich people thrive, poor people struggle to survive.

i'm reading a book on gratitude. i'm finding it helpful. i'm learning to live life like everything is a miracle and to focus on my blessings and to appreciate what i have. it's a challenge but a process i'll learn.