Thursday, October 30, 2014

Mothering 2 Small Kids

Well, I'm not gonna sugar coat it. It's difficult to be a mother to a 2 year old and a 6 month old. Especially when you don't want them to eat junk and live on tv. They are both so dependent on mama for pretty much everything.

The 2 year old can do some things on her own but still can't prepare her own food and use the potty. Ugh, potty training, ugh. She doesn't want to sit on the potty. I don't believe in forcing her to do so as that WILL result in a longer uphill battle to potty train. She's also very bossy and stubborn. She wants to be outside all the day long, which I'm totally for except I have things to do and she requires my supervision to be outside.

The house brings me the most stress. It is typically in total disarray. Toys all over the place, piles of clean and dirty laundry, dishes in the sink, books flooding out of the coffee table, junk all over the computer desk. I hate it. Chaos in the environment brings chaos in my soul. I start to shut down when I see stuff all over. Ugh. I wish I had a dish washer. I'm grateful I have a washing machine. I could not imagine hand washing all those clothes. I just don't understand how there is so much laundry...EVERY day? I wear the same outfit all week long. The kids clothes are small and shouldn't take that much room in the basket to make it overflow. Hubby also wears 1 of 3 feature outfits during the week. Where o where is this mountain of laundry coming from?

Cooking is such a time consuming thing. Especially given that I make it all from scratch. This is just safer (avoid them damn GMOs and chemicals) and cheaper. But it's so hard to be in that kitchen for more than 5 minutes cuz someone is belting out my name and requiring my assistance with something. I miss having toast. I don't want to buy bread anymore cuz I cannot find one single loaf that is free of soy flour. Homemade bread is delish but so time consuming. I wish I had a bread machine, those are nice and convenient. Glad I have a blender though. My 2 year old insists on a rather liquid diet. She's all about the smoothie. She's been a picky eater since March. When will she grow out of this phase?? Trying to feed her is exhausting. I don't care if she eats much but I do care if she eats anything at all. She does pretty good at breakfast. And she loves apples, eats 1 sometimes 2 a day. Some nights she'll have 8 peas and call it dinner. Or 1/2 cup of tomatoes. She's starting to want to eat meat though.

My 6 month old is a terrible sleeper. I think this brings me the most stress as he needs to have x number of naps a day. It's a real rigamarole to get him to take a nap. I have to put socks on his hands cuz he'll scratch his head or rub his eyes. I gotta put him in the stroller cuz he needs to be rocked to sleep most times. On the rare occasion when he is ready for a nap while big sister is taking her nap, I can have success putting him to sleep on the bed but I have to lay beside him, keep my eyes closed to pretend I'm sleeping and hold his hands down as he'll try to grab my face to play. After about 20-30 minutes, he'll fall asleep. He'll wake up 30 mins later though.

I'm also fixated on their milestones. Is the 2 year old's vocabulary large enough? Is she the right height and weight? Is counting to 10 at this age good enough? Are her temper tantrums too extreme? Is she supposed to complete the puzzles by herself yet? The 6 month old doesn't babble except on the rare occasion. Is he the right weight and height? He still needs support to sit up. When is that cone head of his going to round out? Are his intestines healthy as he doesn't get much breastmilk? Why am I such a failure at producing breastmilk and getting my kids to latch??

I'm totally fixated on his head. His sister's head rounded out nicely by this age. Her cone also wasn't as high up as his. His cone doesn't touch any surface to get rounded out. I've started massaging his head every waking moment of his. I sit him up and keep him from laying on his back unless it's nap time. Took him to chiro and asked about those helmet things. He didn't seem too worried about it but it's not his baby so why would he worry that much. The GP said baby's head is an odd shape (it is a symmetrical cone, not lop sided or anything) but said it'll work itself out as he grows plus his hair will cover it. So many have made comments about his poor albeit very cute little head. One woman asked "what did you do to make his head look like that?" What a stupid question. Like any mother would do something to have their kid's head be a pronounced cone shape.

I get stressed when they both need me at the same time or they both cry at the same time. That'll usually get me to cry too. I really just want to give them the best, the best start in life, the best to have a nice life and future. But, really, every parent wants that.

At the end of each day, I usually feel like a failure cuz I didn't do this right or get this done or what what. But, I'm sure I'm not a failure. I think I just have way too great of expectations placed on myself. How to let go?

Sometimes, I say "if I know how hard having 2 so close together was going to be, I'd have waited another year before having number 2." But, really, it was the right plan. These 2 kids are already BFFs. It is so entertaining and joyful to watch them interact and play with each other. The 2 year old's first thought and comments are of the baby. She straight wakes up and goes to his bed. She'll bring something to share with him too. She gives him hundreds of kisses a day. She's by his side. If he cries, she's straight "help mama, baby crying." No one (except me and her) are allowed to touch baby either. When we were at the chiro she was quite upset that the dr touched bebe. She kept saying no and was grabbing at dr's hand to remove from bebe. Then she grabbed bebe's hand and gave it gentle kisses. She frequently is touching him going "shhh, shhh" and kisses him. She talks non stop to him. She wipes his mouth if he has a drool or if the cloth isn't nearby she says "help, baby burp." The neighbour kids were huddled around baby the other day and she got mad and shouted noooo came running over and gave him a protective hug and kiss. The boy is her baby. She insists he be in tummy time so she can be across from him in tummy time to chat away face to face. He also loves her. He always flashes huge smiles and giggles for her. He always reaches for and grabs her too. They have this thing where they'll have a fun scream thing. She'll scream with joy, then he'll scream, then she'll scream, then he'll scream and then they both laugh. I love watching them together. It brings me immense joy. I could just gobble these 2 delightful creatures up with a spoon. Love love love em.