Saturday, December 12, 2015

SAHM is all kinds of hard work


Alright, now that that is out of the way allow me to vent a little (helps my sanity)...

I feel like I'm about one temper tantrum away from going completely bananas! I slap my hand to my head and shout "I'm going to completely lose it" several times in the day. If the one isn't crying, the other begins. They whine, they demand, they destroy, they want their way. They scream, for fun, when upset, as a game, when excited, they scream...a lot. They don't listen. I end up shouting to get their attention and to light some sort of proverbial fire under their butt. I'm hoarse by 5pm. The beautiful 3 year old girl clings herself to me. I love that she is cuddly BUT this is a bit too much. She wants to sit on me (especially during supper, drives me bonkers), me to carry her, she sleeps smashed up right against me every night, there's even times when she's on the toilet and demands a hug or I hold her hand. I don't want to come across as insensitive as there are moms out there that have lost a child and would give anything to be in my position and I'm so grateful for my babies and that I get to cuddle with them but sometimes, I'd just like to not have a human hang off of me FUR FIVE MINUTES so I can go to the toilet or cook dinner or sleep in peace. And of course all the other complexities that come with toddlers which I don't feel like listing as I know you know what they are. It is mentally and emotionally difficult, especially the seemingly never ending crying. I just wish I could have some help. I feel sorry for single moms. But in all reality, this is the least of my complaint. Love love love them and could sop them up with a country biscuit! There are plenty of wonderful precious moments and laughs and happy times of course.

The household to do list is annoyingly long. Dishes (I've watched the clock, I spend at least an hour throughout the day with just dishes), laundry (somehow there is always 1-2 loads every day even though I wear the same skirt and shirt all week long), vacuuming (I pretty much have to vacuum once a day as the little ones make crumbs and bring in dirt from outside play time), mopping, toilet, sink, shower, blah blah blah. And cooking. I'm starting to loathe cooking and I no longer know what to make as my kids are picky and bloody well won't eat it anyways. Then I become some kind of short order cook trying to think of something nutritional for them. Don't worry, once they're old enough to grasp "you don't eat this now, you don't eat." I can't do that to them now as they are still small and growing and need vitamins and minerals. I usually have to make a smoothie to get a variety of fruit, avo, nuts and make a juice of veggies so they get some green and minerals in their system...this yields more dishes and more time in that damn kitchen.

My biggest complaint is the feeling of I'm alone. Yes, I have hubby but the poor guy has to work almost every waking moment so we can survive so for him this home is more of a place to sleep, shower and pack more food and get back to work. He is a good papa and is all about the kids when they are awake at the same time as him. I wish I had some family that I could call up and say "help..." I wish I had some friends to go out and have girls' night with sushi or something. On the very rare occasion there is a relief society activity at church but it's always scheduled during my 19 month old's nap time so I never get to go (if I had family, maybe they could babysit). I have no network to call upon. It's me taking care of, seems like, everything and everyone's needs. Gee, I just never get to go out. I'm a very social mover and shaker. This is difficult to never get to go out and have fun. Me and my kids go out but that's more work than fun. They're still a bit young. When they get a bit older, maybe like 4 and 5 it'll be more pleasure than work?? The girl can be quite fun at the movie theatre but the little brother has to come too and he is not fun at the movie theatre. Quite possibly the most unfun thing with these 2 cuties is shopping. I had to do all my Christmas shopping with them...a 3 year old and a 17 month (at the time) old...NOT FUN. On the rare occasion, we get to go out as a family which is fun and lovely but too infrequent due to hubby's work.

Life is so hard here and it gets harder and harder. Rent has practically tripled in the 5 years I've lived here. As such, we will now have to move to the opposite end of the city. O the rent will only be R100 less than what we pay now but it's impossible to find the amount we pay in this area. Being in a lease for 3 years saves you those incredible increases. Food has gone up, petrol has gone up, medical aid has gone way up (an extra R500/month is a ridiculous increase!!!), electricity gone up, etc. Hubby's wage? The same. Hence he has to work way harder to keep up. I miss Canada and the lifestyle there. It wasn't fancy by any stretch but it was free. Didn't have to stress about electric fencing and burglar bars or general safety. Had disposible income to go out for dinner 3x a week if I wanted. Got to go on vacation at least once a year. Went to the movies weekly. Grocery shopping wasn't a stress. Could afford health supplements. Work was generally 8 or less hours a day, 5 or less days a week so there was free time. I'm drained. I wanna go home with my family, at one time on the same plane.