Poor Little Will Power

I’m in a phase where pregnancy cravings are getting harsh. I’m not craving weird combos or anything just very specific foods in a most serious manner. The craving changes every few days. After the dreaded 1^st trimester of all day nausea (why didn’t I lose weight there????) my cravings were wonderful things like purple grapes and carrots. But now, it’s high calorie foods! It’s stressing me out cuz I don’t wanna be fat again! It’s such a struggle to lose weight for me. The last time that I had the most success was when I scrutinized every calorie to a max of 1700 a day in my mouth along with a 10km walk mon-thurs plus weight training and yoga. I walked to work and it was 5km one way. The walking wasn’t tough, it was a very pretty route thru very expensive mansion type neighborhoods with giant tree lined streets. The calorie control was very hard. The counting was relentless. I don’t like math. And I confess, I like food. It’s delicious. I like sophisticated foods too. Those are usually very high in calories with the butters and creams used. I also like healthy foods so it’s not like I only eat beef bourginon. I love salads and raw food pizza etc. Anyways. 1700 a day isn’t much to divvy amongst the day’s meals. I aimed for 400cal at breakfast, lunch and dinner plus 3 150cal snacks (doesn’t equal an exact 1700 but gave room if I went over a few cals at lunch or dinner). It was tough but I was dedicated and succeeded a fair amount. Not as much as I would have liked to but I was contempt with what I lost in the given time.

During weeks 15-17, I was experiencing appetite suppression from all that HCG (like that diet rage going on now) and was a little excited! Hey, if we keep this up, I’ll lose a little during pregnancy.

But now, I’m gaining. Of course, it isn’t all fat. There is extra blood and fluids plus of course the baby. But according to my weight at the start of pregnancy, I have a smaller amount of weight allowance to gain. At 19.5 weeks, I’m 1.5kg heavier than I should be. That’s almost 4 pounds extra. It would take me about a month and a bit to lose that on my rigorous weight loss routine of 1700cal a day along with a lot of intense exercise. Oooo, sigh. I can’t even bare the thought of the struggle ahead of me after this precious bundle of joy comes out. I’m getting older. It’s harder to lose. Would you believe I attempted to diet last week? I think my plan lasted 2 meals, then I slipped. You just don’t understand the severity of cravings until you are pregnant. It’s not even about will power. My poor little will power is cowering in a corner shaking in fear from the pregnancy craving voice yelling: SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS!! CHEESECAKE!! I try to fool the voice and have some cucumber slices with a little salt and vinegar or a banana with a tbsp. of peanut butter and a glass of skim milk…that just angers it! It gets louder. My poor little will power is now rocking itself back and forth, tears streaming down it’s face repeating ‘I can’t do it, that pregnancy craving voice is too loud and scary for me.’ Poor thing is gonna need therapy after the baby comes.